baetiful | IC CONTACT POST

IC CONTACT POST

This is the direct contact method for Lord Petyr Baelish. Please leave a message, and I will return your call at my earliest convenience.

VOICEMAIL | TEXT MESSAGES | LETTERS | ACTION

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Oh splendid, I caught you at a good time!

And there's no cause for you to worry. This is good news. I, L'Arachel, am personally about to save you from the evil vice that grips your spirit and guide you back onto the path of light!

I.... [ what. ]

I'm sorry. My evil vice?

Yes, and there's no need for you to feign ignorance. Of course, I understand that you don't wish for it to be known, but I do know, and it's very fortunate for you that I do! And fear not, I shall keep it in the strictest confidence. So you see, there's nothing at all to feel ashamed of. You may tell me everything.

I am not certain what you would consider an evil vice, Princess. While I have run brothels in the past, that is the past and I treated my girls very well while they were under my care.

[ Because that must be what this is about, right? ]

[There is a long silence. Congratulations, you rendered her speechless.]

...Do tell me that was a jest. Or... or an attempt to distract me from the matter at hand. Aha! That's what it was, wasn't it?

[She doesn't wait for an answer.]

I'll not be so easily dissuaded, you know! I was trying to be sensitive, but since you think you can toy with me, the kid gloves are coming off! --Oh, but I do know it's not your fault, of course. It's merely the drugs. And I shall free you from their dark clutches with the power of righteousness!

Drugs...?

[ Of all the absurd things he expected L'Arachel to say, that was not one of them. ]

What are you even talking about, Princess? I know that there are a lot of illicit activities that go on within Maurtia Falls but merely because I live there does not mean I partake in such things.

Now, now, as I said, you needn't be ashamed. Very few of us are perfect. But I do have it on very good authority that you have fallen prey to this dreadful evil. A friend of yours is quite concerned, you know.

As am I. So come now, stop playing the fool and tell me what would cause you to fall to such a state.

A friend of mine.

[ Petyr's words were full of disdain. There is only one mutual acquaintance between the two of them that he is aware of. Only one who would petty enough to spread such lies. ]

It wounds me that you would believe such folly about my character, Princess. This has all been a grave misunderstanding, I assure you. I would not and will never use such mind altering substances. Clarity of mind is of utmost importance to me. Though perhaps you should consider your source and why they may have said such things. It could be that they are trying to distract you from their own vice. Their own problem with, oh. I don't know. Alcohol?

[ Rincewind is drunk like 95% of the time Petyr talks to him, so he has to imagine that's true with just about everyone. ]

A misunderstanding?

[She wants to believe that, very much... but Rincewind also warned her that Petyr might try to reject any aid. And she doesn't believe for a moment that the wizard would simply be trying to distract her from anything--she's only seen him drunk once, and if there was a problem, surely he would seek her help rather than try to avoid it. They're friends.]

I would like very much for that to be the case, and your words give me hope, but you must understand that I will not take any chances. This is for your own good. I must have your sworn oath, here and now, that you have seen the light of reason and that you shall henceforth have nothing to do with this evil.

[ He doesn't hesitate to put this nonsense to an end the only way he knows how -- playing on her religious beliefs. ]

I swear my oath to you and your gods that I have not nor will I ever touch such vile substances, Princess. May I be struck down or met with swift divine justice right now if I were lying to you.

[ And when nothing happens to him, he goes on to repeat. ]

As I've said, this is a grave misunderstanding.

[She actually holds her breath as he speaks the oath, because if he's lying she has no doubt that he will be met with swift divine justice. It's to her great and obvious delight that he's not.]

Oh, wonderful! Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? I daresay this went very well indeed! I do have to wonder where the confusion arose... oh, but Rin--er, our friend will be so pleased to hear of this! You have put our minds at ease, Lord Baelish!

[She will just. Continue to believe he was joking about the brothels.]

I am glad we could clear this up. I would hate for you to think ill of me, Princess.

[ But oh. Rincewind is going to pay dearly. ]

Likewise, I would hate to think ill of you! I'm very relieved that I don't need to. That will be all, then. Do have a pleasant day!

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